Weddings, Marriage and the Sacrament of Matrimony

Preparing for a Wedding : Where?

In the course of his yearly Address to the Roman Rota earlier this year, the Holy Father said,

"It is necessary, ... to rediscover the truth, goodness and beauty of the marriage institution. Since it is the work of God himself, through human nature and the freedom of consent of the engaged couple, marriage remains an indissoluble personal reality, a bond of justice and love, linked from eternity to the plan of salvation and raised in the fullness of time to the dignity of a Christian Sacrament."

The Pope’s entire address deserves attention but these few lines underline some essential elements of a Catholic marriage that some couples in planning their wedding ceremony seem to forget. The idea of rediscovering the "truth, goodness and beauty of the marriage institution” and marriage as “the work of God himself" should certainly be subjects of prayer and consideration for Catholics contemplating marriage.
By far the best analysis of Catholic marriage is given in paragraph 48 of the Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World of the Second Vatican Council. The opening words are as follows,

"The intimate partnership of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by Him with its own proper laws."

"Thus the man and woman, 'who are no longer two but one' (Mt 19:6), help and serve each other by their marriage partnership; they become conscious of their unity and experience it more deeply from day to day. The intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons, and the good of the children demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable unity between them." And again, "Christ our Lord has abundantly blessed this love, which is rich in its various features, coming as it does from the spring of Divine love and modeled on Christ’s own union with the Church…"

"The Christian family springs from marriage, which is an image and a sharing in the partnership of love between Christ and the Church; it will show forth to all... Christ’s living presence in the world and the authentic nature of the Church by the love and generous fruitfulness of the spouses, by their unity and fidelity, and by the loving way in which all members of the family co-operate with each other."

It would be a mistake, indeed very wrong, to dismiss the above or any line of par. 48 of the document on the Church in the Modern World as totally unrealistic, just "dreamworld stuff" and the musings of a Church obsessed with its own idea of holiness! A great mistake. And given this beautiful ideal, is it any wonder that on the subject on the place of a wedding, Canon 1118, §1, states,

"A marriage between Catholics, or between a Catholic party and a baptised non-catholic, is to be celebrated in the Parish Church. By permission of the local Ordinary or of the Parish Priest, it may be celebrated in another church or oratory." ie another Catholic Church or oratory!

The Proper Place for a Catholic wedding

The Dignity of Marriage and the Family: Marriage and the Family in the Modern World. The opening sentence reads,

"The well-being of the individual person and of the human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life."

The Church has the mission of teaching the scripture-based ideals of marriage and family-life; the Church also offers support for a couple at the beginning of their marriage by insisting that the wedding takes place in a Catholic Church, witnessed by a Catholic priest and two lay persons. Until recently and even now, the majority of Catholic families planning a wedding for a son and daughter, have shown their acceptance and understanding of the ideals of marriage by enhancing the wedding in every way possible: beautiful flower arrangements, a splendid wedding reception and then the bride and her attendants attired like royalty. All this is not really necessary but a wedding is an occasion for proclaiming Christian ideals and the flowers, dress and cake are all part of it.

However, these days there are indications that the elaborate wedding celebration has nothing to do with Christian ideals but is just another form of "conspicuous consumption" or in other words, showing off the affluence of the families concerned. Moreover, it is becoming more and more common for Catholics to seek to be married at some quaint rustic venue, a farm or a stream, rather than in a church, simply for the sake of the convenience of the guests.

If the wedding ceremony is separated from the Church, then it is highly likely that the consent that the couple exchange with each other is something other than what the Church holds out for them in the rite of marriage—some kind of "designer marriage" dreamed up by the couple themselves.

Canon Law is quite clear that the marriage of Catholics is to be solemnized in a Catholic Church. If the bride is a non-Catholic, then the Catholic groom may obtain permission from the Bishop for the wedding to be solemnized by her minister in her Church. Moreover, for very special reasons, the Bishop can be approached for permission for a Catholic marriage to be solemnized at a suitable place outside a Catholic Church.

Thus, it is important that when a Catholic wishes to arrange a Catholic wedding with his/her fiancé, they should first approach the priest-in-charge, parish priest or pastor of the family. It is not helpful to attempt to arrange a Catholic wedding with the manager of a reception venue before talking to the parish priest.